Words are Important!

Today I want to talk to you about the importance of words.

Years ago, when I was in pre-marital counseling with my fiance--and now husband, I read a book called The Five Love Languages.  The book espouses that there are five major ways that love and care can be communicated between people.  After a brief quiz, I discovered that my main language was words of affirmation. The book further shares that you share care and concern via YOUR primary language. I would submit to you that there are several students in your class that are also students that are 'words of affirmation' kids as well.  One of the greatest ways that you can influence them is by the conversations you have and the relationships you build.  First, let's chat about a few things that break that relationship down, and then talk about some great ways that you can use your words to lift your kids up.

Sarcasm

One of the easiest ways to create separation between yourself and your students is to be sarcastic. I love this blog post on sarcasm.

Your students who are already feeling awkward don't need to have their internal monologues co-signed by careless comments about their disorganization or lack of preparation.  Even if it's done privately, it still hurts.  The larger the stage, the greater the hurt.  Nothing in the definition of the word...or its' synonyms is something that should be associated with your practice as you create relationship with your students.

Harsh critiques

No matter how irritated you are with your student, a harshly worded critique will be remembered for a very long time.  I still remember my sixth grade teacher telling me that I cried 'crocodile tears'.  That was a zillion years ago!  I shouldn't remember...and I really shouldn't care...but I do.  Sometimes, what you would say in a moment of anger...you wouldn't say if you'd given yourself just a bit more think time.  Don't be afraid to tell a student that you're so disappointed and you just can't talk to them right now. Tell them that you'll get back to them when you can say what you need to say in the right way.

Now that I've told you a few things that I think erode the relationship that you have with your students, let's go over a couple of things that will be a blessing to your students who most appreciate words of affirmation.

Give specific verbal praise.

'Good job' is an easy quick way to affirm students, but...it's not the BEST way to affirm.  Consider sharing specific verbal praise that relates to who your students ARE rather than what they do.  For some students, sitting quietly may be easy.  For others, it COSTS them something to give that to you for 15 minutes.  That student needs your verbal praise much more because they probably don't hear that they have great stamina...or that they really persevered through that math.  They are most likely more familiar with criticism of their lack of self control. 

In a time where students have often been reduced to a data point, they need to know that in the small, safe community that you've created, they mean so much more!  Having lunch with students to get to know them, sharing a bench with them at recess to ask about their day, and leaving them special notes when a sub is coming are all ways that you can connect in authentic ways with students.

Try using a character based incentive program.

Students come to us with a host of strengths already--even your most needy and difficult.  A stubborn child's determination turned in the right direction would make a great leader. As a teacher, we have one year to impact these students.  Even the slightest course correction on our part could make the difference in helping them to see their potential! :) We can enhance their strengths and help them add to them by affirming the people they are becoming. It's a lot easier to affirm students for who they ARE when your management system supports that.  Read lots of books with great characters that exemplify the character qualities that you want your students to emulate.  Building those examples from quality literature gives the students a real framework to build off of. I try to focus on caring, fairness, citizenship, perseverance,etc. I give them tangible rewards that cost me next to nothing.  Brag bracelets made from paper strips, reward coupons that have rewards like, eat with the teacher among other things.  You'll be amazed in the changes that occur with all of your students when you are more conscious of your affirmations.


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